...I see a shadow of what you're dealing with. Without being there with you, I have no idea what you're truly going through. But if the visible shadow is any sign of something bigger and deeper, I know it has to be so hard.
Right now, you're working, you're at school, you're babysitting to the point where you're really being a mom, you're experiencing the tug-of-war that spiritual growth is often accompanied by, you're cut off, you're faced with problems no one would ever ask or want to face, and amidst all that, you're trying to live a life that God would find pleasure in. Wow.
You can only see the present, the immediate, the path and obstacles that are right in front of you. You can only feel the constant dragging pressure day by day as you press on and try to get somewhere. But you are. You are getting somewhere. In fact, you already have gotten somewhere. You're doing so much right now, it's as though you're dragging a ton of bricks behind you. At the end of each day you look at the sorry inch you've struggled through; you see the cuts and bruises on your knees and the blisters on your hand. And you wonder: Will I ever get anywhere? Can I ever be anywhere but here? The answer to that is not just a simple "yes." The real answer is "You are." When all this is over and you look back, you will see how far you have walked. You'll see the spot where you began far, far away, behind all the hills, valleys, and pitfalls that you encountered. Everything you're going through now is preparing you for your future. Everything is for a purpose. You could be working a different job and making $15 an hour or doing something else where you only made $40 after a whole day. How much you make is as unimportant as what you're doing. Rather, it's how you're doing it that means something. If you're working hard to do and be you're best at the job, then you are doing the right thing, and until it's time to move on, you're doing the right thing. And I'm proud of you for working so hard. You amaze me. In so many ways, what you're doing is so much harder than what I'm doing. I only have to make a few decisions throughout this whole school year while decision making is what your life seems to be consumed by these days. In so many ways, you have so much more on your plate than I do.
If our relationship was based on expectations, maybe I'd have reason to be disappointed with you and the way you choose to go about things sometimes. However, the only expectations I have are that you follow God's leading right now and that you choose to grow, even if you don't desire to grow, while He's having you work your way through everything in this season. That's all I want. And that second one isn't even so much of an expectation, instead it's a hope I have. I hope you will choose to grow through all this. Otherwise, how much might you be missing? If you've got to go through it no matter what, why not make the most of it? Why not do it with all your heart? With joy in that heart. If you can't avoid it, make it worth it. Choose to make it good.
If you hear nothing else, hear this. You never disappoint me. I love you.
Yours Truly,
Nathan
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