Move..or Move Me

I am restless.



It's more than just the tapping of my feet and the twiddling of my thumbs. The constant readjusting position in your seat to get comfortable cause you know you're going to be here for awhile. It's past that.



My mind is trying to take off. It wants to take my feet places my feet want to go too. Places that are not bad places, but are not the right places, not yet. And my heart. It jumps and spins and yearns for activity, but I'm forced to hush it for the time being.



I want to move. I want to do. I'm not the guy who is satisfied with a loud *vroom vroom* and speeding car. But I feel like if I remain any longer I'll burst with more explosion than a shining, 12-cylinder engine. I have to move, I have to do. I need to love.

That's what I want to do more than anything else. Show love. But to show love, true, agape love, a love that gives always, I must be selfless. Right now, I can't be selfless for them. I have restrictions because of college because of rules that my family has. And there's nothing I can do to get around them. They're there. I just have to wait for them to fade. College won't last forever, it's but a season, and I will have more control over my life when I am of age in this house.

But trying to at least maintain my momentum until that time. There are people I love who I desire to spend time with now, but only see them every so often. I feel like it's not enough, I can't offer them anything when I rarely see them. It makes it seem not worth it. Like sand in a sift, or water in a leaky bucket. The little bits I add over time don't build up like I was always taught they would. They fall out through the cracks and the situation sits as if I had never tried. But I know that if I sat and did nothing, until I had the freedom to do as much as I'd like, I could no longer do anything to help or change the situation. I know it's important to remain close to your friends until you can do what it is you need to do. If you let them fall away, they are out of your reach.

And that's where I've learned that It's not quite a leaky bucket. It's parched soil. You pour out onto the brittle soil, water to soften it. It absorbs the water, you are drained, and the soil re-hardens within minutes. Over and over again you empty yourself and the process repeats itself. But at least you keep the soil alive and whole. Eventually, in it's season, if that soil is tended to, good life will flourish. Wildflowers will blossom where there was only dust and doubt before. So I tell myself: For now, keep pouring out your little watering bucket. We haven't got a hose yet, but it will come soon enough.

I know that God is moving all around me, and I know He has plans that I cannot completely open up yet. I'm moving slowly and uncertainly until I know what He has for me. I am waiting for His timing. I will keep waiting, I will keep moving.