Move..or Move Me

I am restless.



It's more than just the tapping of my feet and the twiddling of my thumbs. The constant readjusting position in your seat to get comfortable cause you know you're going to be here for awhile. It's past that.



My mind is trying to take off. It wants to take my feet places my feet want to go too. Places that are not bad places, but are not the right places, not yet. And my heart. It jumps and spins and yearns for activity, but I'm forced to hush it for the time being.



I want to move. I want to do. I'm not the guy who is satisfied with a loud *vroom vroom* and speeding car. But I feel like if I remain any longer I'll burst with more explosion than a shining, 12-cylinder engine. I have to move, I have to do. I need to love.

That's what I want to do more than anything else. Show love. But to show love, true, agape love, a love that gives always, I must be selfless. Right now, I can't be selfless for them. I have restrictions because of college because of rules that my family has. And there's nothing I can do to get around them. They're there. I just have to wait for them to fade. College won't last forever, it's but a season, and I will have more control over my life when I am of age in this house.

But trying to at least maintain my momentum until that time. There are people I love who I desire to spend time with now, but only see them every so often. I feel like it's not enough, I can't offer them anything when I rarely see them. It makes it seem not worth it. Like sand in a sift, or water in a leaky bucket. The little bits I add over time don't build up like I was always taught they would. They fall out through the cracks and the situation sits as if I had never tried. But I know that if I sat and did nothing, until I had the freedom to do as much as I'd like, I could no longer do anything to help or change the situation. I know it's important to remain close to your friends until you can do what it is you need to do. If you let them fall away, they are out of your reach.

And that's where I've learned that It's not quite a leaky bucket. It's parched soil. You pour out onto the brittle soil, water to soften it. It absorbs the water, you are drained, and the soil re-hardens within minutes. Over and over again you empty yourself and the process repeats itself. But at least you keep the soil alive and whole. Eventually, in it's season, if that soil is tended to, good life will flourish. Wildflowers will blossom where there was only dust and doubt before. So I tell myself: For now, keep pouring out your little watering bucket. We haven't got a hose yet, but it will come soon enough.

I know that God is moving all around me, and I know He has plans that I cannot completely open up yet. I'm moving slowly and uncertainly until I know what He has for me. I am waiting for His timing. I will keep waiting, I will keep moving.

Be Still

Tonight when I was driving home, I was rear ended and run over by a massive pile of thoughts.

I started thinking way ahead in my future. About marriage. About who I would marry. About ministry. About the limitations that might be set on me because of my ministry. About the limitations that would be set on me because of my marriage.

I want to be like Joshua and John Coffey. I want to have the faith Peter had. I want to be able to work those miracles. I want to be like Jesus.

But Jesus wasn't married..And neither was Peter, or Joshua, or John Coffey. They each lived their single lives completely devoted and selflessly for God.

The only thing marriage would do to my ministry would be to limit me to who I see. As much as I'd like to, a married man cannot or should not spend all day at a bar or strip club, or with the druggies and crooks, or even just helping women in his church frequently without his wife around. Just as a married woman wouldn't be able to. Eventually the two married people will begin to question themselves and their spouses with thoughts like "are they really only ministering in that bar?" Or "What else is going on here?" Even if there is nothing going on behind the scenes, the stress that type of ministry presents to a married couple has potential to, in time, tear them apart.

As great a thing as marriage is, it seems as if it's almost a dividing of attention. Before, your attention was on God and only God. Now you're living for God, and supporting a wife. Isn't that distracting? I don't think it has to be. I hope it's not. Otherwise I may end up a ranger like Joshua was.. I believe, to a point that I would say I'm nearly positive, that if a couple, as individuals, are entirely devoted to God, and as a couple, they are just as focused on God, they will not stray from His plan.

I want to one day be wed to the most beautiful earthly bride ever. I want to be married. Not for sex. I do want a family. I do want blond-haired, blue-eyed little boys that I can teach to throw a baseball or shoot a basketball. I do want to have a little princess who looks at me like I'm the coziest, fuzziest teddy bear in the whole world. The main purpose of a marriage should be to make a single praise twice as loud, traveling twice as far, to make ten times the difference.

So there I was, driving more slowly than usual, going insane. I want be everything God wants me to be. I want to have faith enough to move a mountain, or to heal a sick child. I want to make a difference in an astonishing way, for Him. Then it just hit me. "Be still." "Be still and know that I am God." All the chaos inside my head just stopped. And I heard it again. I was thankful for that word. But it didn't stop my thinking completely.

I couldn't help thinking and thinking, but it was quieter, as if someone had pushed a damper pedal, and no matter how hard I pushed, it wouldn't get as loud as it had been.

I came home, hoping to finally talk to a friend of mine, but instead, as soon as I sat down at the computer, I felt like I was about to explode again, and I just had to get out of the house, into the open where it was thundering loudly.

I stood out in the middle of our open field on a big rock that's stuck out there in the middle, just as the rain was starting to fall. The lightning was brilliant, the thunder humbling, and the rain cold. As I prayed, all my thoughts came tumbling out and I felt like I was just rambling and hoping God was there listening because I was sure no one else would. Then a verse from Eclesiastes popped into my head. "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." (5:2) RIght then I shut up. I simply said, God if you want me to be married, give me some kind of sign. But, God, if you don't want me to be married, shock me with a lightning bolt right here, let me live, and I'll never marry and be solely devoted to you.

I didn't get hit by anything. Sure, you could say, well, half an hour isn't long enough to wait for God, or, maybe there was a metal tower too close to you that prevented it from hitting you. There's a million possibilities. Maybe I'll get hit tomorrow. That's not the point though. The poit is right there in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God has a plan for me. I just have to be still and wait for Him.

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is holy

Be still, O restless soul of mine

Bow before the Prince of peace

Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still

Desert Rose

This is a song written by Whiteheart back in the 90's. I grew up hearing it a lot because my brother loved their music. Then, while he was away at college, I borrowed his cassette tapes to listen to them on my own initiative. Even though I've been surrounded by songs like this for so long, it wasn't until very recently that I paused to go over the lyrics. And when I did, I was completely wowed. Sometimes when we're trying to do something for God, it seems like we're all alone and no one else wants to be a part of whatever we're pushing. We feel like the only blooming flower in a whole desert of hot, dry, lifeless sand..But the truth is that God's always with us no matter what we're doing, no matter where we are.

Lost in a windswept land
In a world of shifting sand
A fragile flower stands apart
There on that barren ground
You feel like the one
Trying to serve Him with all your heart

And you wonder, wonder
Can you last much longer
This cloud you are under
Will it cover you

Desert rose (desert rose)
Don't you worry, don't be lonely
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
In a dry and weary land a flower grows
His desert rose

Sometimes holiness
Can seem like emptiness
When you feel the whole world's laughing eyes
But if it's a lonely day
Know you're on the Father's way
He will hear you when you cry

And He will hold you, hold you
Your Father will hold you
He will love you, love you
For the things you do

Desert rose (desert rose)
Don't you worry, don't be lonely
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
In a dry and weary land a flower grows
His desert rose

The Fray by Arthur Pennington

Today I fell, I fell so far..
My body is bruised, battered and scarred.
For ages it seems, I've been fighting and losing.
These battles that rage, none are my choosing.
It seems like everyday, there's more and more to face.
And now I've fallen, snared during this chase.

Nothing I try helps at all, there's nothing I can do.
I've accepted now that I'm stuck like this, I'll keep the card I drew.
I can still see the deck, I could always choose to go fish.
But nothing matters anyways, there's nothing left to wish.
Meaningless and hopeless, that's what life is to me.
Unchanging and relentless, certainly not happy.

Yet in a way, I almost feel as if I were content.
There's no reason that I should change, what's one more little dent?
I'm broken and bruised, battered and scared.
It felt nice when I knew that somebody cared.
What happened to the joy I had, where are all my friends?
Gone, all gone..Where will I go when utter darkness descends?

Right now, it's not too late, I could admit I'm lost.
But what would I have to lose for that..what would be the cost?
Pride for sure, but that's alright, there's nothing left, besides.
But self-pity, that's hard, that's where my throne abides.
I don't think I'm ready, I like the way it makes me feel.
But then again, I hate it too, I need something to help me heal.

No, I don't want to, I'm fine, I swear!
This way at least I get attention, though, not to say I care.
My friends, they all want to help, I can tell by how they talk.
But they wouldn't care enough until they saw my corpse outlined by chalk.
Then they'd see me, that's for sure, they'd regret it then.
They'd wish that they had spent more time, trying to be my friend.

I hate my life, it's just not fair, why's it got to be this way??
Everything is always changing, I need just one thing to stay.
One friend, one feeling, a dream or just a hope.
A single constant for me to cling to, a foothold or a rope.

God? What God?? He hasn't helped me much!
I've screamed and cried myself to sleep, but I've never felt His touch.

Just one true friend'd be nice to have, just a tiny bit of love.
A strong, unyielding embrace, in case push ever came to shove.

I know I could rely on you, even now if I had to choose.
But I'm ok, for now at least, I still have more to lose.
I won't go under, not just yet, I'll bluff a little longer.
I'm hoping that by holding out, I'll grow a little stronger.

It's a lie, I know, it's clear I'm only digging deeper still.
One day I'll probably give it up, but right now I lack the will.

Just be there for me, like you said you would, and one day I'll come around.
Rest assured, I'll call on you before I'm six feet underground..

An Evergreen Forest is What We Need..

This is something I was given, clearly to share. It sounds a little rough, so please, offer suggestions.. :)

Evergreen

What is this life, should we really be trying?
To do something here if we’ll just end up dying.

What can we do that would leave quite a mark,
Enough to ignite from just one tiny spark.

There’s got to be something, that’s why we are here:
To serve the Lord’s purpose and draw others near.

I’ve got to be willing to trust in His will,
I must run the next mile, climb the next hill.

I give you my life and ask that you please,
Allow me to live like the evergreen trees.

To live all year round and not just in season,
Your Son as my light, I need but one reason.

Help me to do the work that you’ve planned,
Mold me and guide me with your perfect hands.

Lead me beside the sleeping, still waters,
Teach to love all your sons and your daughters.

Lord, Jesus, I trust that you hear my prayer,
For you are my God, and you’re everywhere.

Father I pray that you hear my hearts cry,
I want to serve you til the day that I die.

Trailing His Path

The first night we stayed in Atlanta, Georgia, I had no bed. I had set a mattress aside for myself like everyone else, but somehow mine went missing.



I had been in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I was worn out from a long car ride and ready for some shut eye. I wandered to the guys room, most everyone else already falling asleep. There were still a couple guys awake, competing over who could expel toxics into the air the most vehemently. I entered and walked to where my mattress should've been, a couple not yet asleep hands groped at my legs to see if I would trip. My mattress wasn't there. I did not panic, however, not yet. I realized I was in a tricky situation now..



See, I pack really light. I can make do with a carpet if there's no bed to be found. So, naturally, I had left pillow and blanket at home, bringing only a towel which I would use for showers or swimming. First I got out my heavy clothes because the air conditioning was on high. I put on my jeans and big sweatshirt hoping for insulation and cushion against the air and hard wood floor. The I draped my five-foot long towel over my six-foot, three-inch self..I was not comfortable.



Fortunately, Nick was laying close by and saw my predicament. He pushed his towel over to me so that I'd have a pillow. Thanks Nick :)



However, the two towels and sweatshirt did very little to make the hard, cold floor comfortable. So I lay there on the floor for about an hour and a half, listening to my comforting iPod, and trying to get comfortable, but failing miserably.



I must've drifted off, because I woke up from a half sleep, feeling like I'd never fallen asleep. I looked at my clock it read about 1:30 a.m. So I must've dozed for a half hour or so. I lay back down again and wandered the corridors of artists on my iPod. I woke up again, still feeling wide awake. I looked at my clock, thinking it must be almost 6 a.m. and that I'd only have to wait another half hour to get up with everyone. It was 3:30 a.m... I couldn't stand it anymore. I was so sore and I was cold, and as tired as I knew I was, I was wide awake and not going to sleep again any time soon.



I got up and grabbed my Bible from next to me. It was in a cover, so I had stuck a few thin Bible related materials in with it before I had left along with the lines for my pirate drama. I tip-toed around limp, snoring bodies (oh yes, the snoring was terrible..) quietly opened the door and snuck into the hallway.



It was lit; it was the only light they kept on inside at night. I walked to the end and looked out the glass door. The alarm wasn't set on the door, but it was locked, so there was no wandering out into the Refuge's well-lit parking lot. Instead I meandered down a side hallway. I looked at all the different pictures nailed to the walls, painted by some of the kids at the shelter. They were cute pictures of the "bride and groom," the "sower and the seeds,""Spiter-man and Soper-Girl." There were also a few interesting and inspiring quotes pasted on the many doors on either side of the hall.



I simply walked. Back and forth along the same hallway. I wrote down a few of the verses and a few of the quotes, ones that stood out to me. After about a half hour of this, I went into one of the meeting rooms, it was open already, and looked around. I looked out the windows: it was quiet outside, warm too. But the outside world was sleeping. I turned on the light in the room and went over to one of the walls where there were a few shelves with objects of various sizes on them. One of the objects was a simple picture with two sentences on it. "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead to where there is no path and leave a trail."



It was one of the most inspiring things I'd ever heard. I had to write it down. I wrote it down. I had to write more. I sat down. I unzipped my Bible cover and looked for something to write on. The only thing I could find was my script, so I took it out and flipped it over, to the blank side of the page. And wrote....

Do not follow where the path may lead,
Go instead to where there is no path and leave a trail.
For surely with love you will find what you need,
And through time you will see that His grace will prevail.

Our God does not ignore those who are faithful,
He will bless all of you that are true.
We've been given a heart as well as a soul,
That's all that He's asking from you.

Jesus gave up His life, so we could live on,
Eternally after we die.
Obey His commands, on Rock build upon,
Do or do not, there's no "try."

Watch over His people, lead all of His sheep,
Feed them with His Holy Word.
Beware of the darkness, it snarls and creeps,
Keep it away from His herd.

In all that you do, give it your all,
Give only one-hundred percent.
For all that you give for the Lord on most High,
Is just a fraction of what's already been spent.

While I'm Waiting

I feel so stuck. It's like I went from speeding in life's fast lane to being stuck in driving school again.



I just got back from a missions trip to Atlanta, Georgia where my youth group held a four day vbs for the most amazing children I've known so far. During the trip, I felt hot. not quite on fire yet, but smoldering, ready to explode at the very first opportunity.



Now I'm back home though. Stuck. I tried to bring the heat home, but my family thought I was just radical and slightly crazed and let it slide like they would a stupid joke. They don't have the same passion that I feel.



I want to serve the world. Before going to Atlanta, I knew I had a serious interest in missions. I didn't know how serious, something on the side maybe, I was still trying to figure that out. While I was there, though, I decided that there was nothing I could ever do with my life except serve others in similar ways to what we did in Atlanta. There'd certainly be something, or maybe a couple things on the side so I'd be able to support myself and my family, but my main focus is, and I hope it will always be, to serve others.



I don't know what my plans are yet. The choice between college or something different is so close for me already. My parents are really pressuring me to go to college to go through with a good major "just in case it doesn't work out." Especially my mom..My dad was the same way for a while, but he's sort of sat back recently, To see how it all unfolds I suppose, before he comes out with his wisdom. And I do mean that. Everything he says will happen as a result of my choices always seems to happen, whether it's playing video games, how hard I work on my homework, or relationships. Part of it might be that I have to obey what he says and I'm pushed towards his predictions, but I know that there's always some truth in what he says. God bless them both for what they're trying to do for me. They don't want to see me fail and I appreciate that. But I have another path for my life.



I've been talking to people in my church to find out more about Lee University, a Christian college in Tennessee. I'd like to find out more about it. I've also heard about a program called Master's Commission which sounds just like what I've looking for for a while.

Yesterday night, I was at a Bible study for college/pre-college students. We were talking about rejection that night and Mike asked us to share about a time in our lives when we had faced rejection. No one raised their hand at first, so I tentatively raised mine. Not because I was afraid to share, but because mine didn't have to do directly with rejection. My question was basically this: When there's somewhere you know you need to get to in your life, but can't because important people in your life are holding you back, what do you do? Another student voiced a very similar question right afterwards. Mike quickly caught on to the "important people" and told us that our situations were only a little tricky.

Firstly, we must obey our parents while we are under their roof. That is one of our commandments, "Honor Thy father and thy mother." Otherwise, your road from there on will be screwed. If our parents are keeping us from moving forward, there's obviously a good reason for that. One that even they might not fully grasp. Look at it this way. You want to live out the call you've received from God. The only thing standing in your way is one of His commandments. Clearly, God is telling you to WAIT. I don't want to wait, so it's hard for me. When it's the right time, God will release you. When it's the right time, you will be on fire, hotter than you've ever been. You'll be most effective for His purposes for you.

Obviously we're not jsut supposed to sit around on our behinds doing nothing, waiting for the phone to ring one day to hear a strange voice say "It is the right time..." We have to be working constantly, grinding away at our vices and building up our virtues. Mike also said this: What we become when we are working for God is basically a blown up version of what we are now. That means not only our near perfections, but also our imperfections will be 10 times bigger for everyone to see. We've got to be constantly active to become the individual that God wants us to be.

When Mike told us that I knew that was exactly what I had needed to here. The command to just wait. I've been so eager to get off my chain and go all out, but I haven't been considering that I'm not ready yet. And now that I've realized this, it all makes perfect sense to me.

Not everyone who feels stuck in the slow lane right now is facing the same obstacles. For some people, they thik it's their age, or they can't find the opportunities they're seeking. God has perfect plans though. We need to sow the seeds in our field NOW so that we're ready THEN when the rains come.

While I'm waiting I will serve You.

While I'm waiting I will worship.

While I'm waiting I will not faint.

I'll be running the race even while I wait.

The Stream of Life

I was talking to someone today. Someone who used to be a very close cousin and friend. Over the past couple years this friend has fallen away from the Truth, in a way that has hurt me more than they can know.

We were talking, though it was more of a verbal defensive fight, and in the end essentially renounced each other. For I was unwilling to step away from my faith, and he was unwilling to step closer so long as I clung to it and reached for him. In a moment of frustration he said "F*** you" and I told him to "get right with God" before he came back.

I was extremely distraught having severed that friendship that had been around for nearly 16 years. Of course, he's still my cousin and we're still attached in that regard, but now I'm afraid there will be an enmity lingering between us when we're forced together in family settings. I want to see him come back to Christ and I want for us to be great friends like we were when we were little.

I was very upset over our whole conversation, I sought advice from a few peers for a few minutes, but nothing they said helped anything. I decided I would go for a walk to think and pray about the whole situation. It was raining outside so I put on some thick jeans, a heavy sweatshirt, and my man boots. Then I trudged outside.

Our neighbor has a stream way down in the woods. I'd never been to it before, but I'd seen a small bit of it that wound into their yard and under the road. I've always loved streams. They offer some sort of peace and I seem to be able to think more clearly on their banks. I had no idea where the stream was except that it was deep in the woods somewhere.

I started wading through the brush off the normal path, pushing aside fallen branches and sticky brambles. For about ten minutes I made my way steadily into the thick brush, looking for the stream. I couldn't find it. I stopped and looked around, not sure what I was looking for, something, anything that might point the way. I was disappointed because I had really expected to find the stream and clearly, I hadn't been able to. I was about to turn around and go back, but I saw a little path through the foliage, a deer trail. I pushed my way to the path and followed it for a ways deeper into the woods. It lead right to the stream. I was happy.

For awhile I just stood out over the stream on a few rocks, worshiping the One who had formed the water and earth that made up the flowing water and it's bed. Then I just watched the water.

The rain was splashing into it making little ripples. I saw small leaves and seed pods, knocked off of plants by the rain, floating down the stream. Some of them just floated merrily along, unbothered by the rain or little eddies. Others floated until they became lodged on a stick or stuck on a rock. Sometimes another leaf would come along and bump the first leaf off of one of the rocks, and they'd both float away happily.

I poked at the leaves and pods stuck on a rock near me, they came off and continued on their journey. Then it came to me.

The stream. It was the stream of life. The seed pods and leaves, they are us, people, wandering down the path to who-knows-where. Some of us go through life without so many huge problems, we don't get caught up on those rocks because we know how to handle the problems and we can avoid the danger.

But some of us go through life and we run into big problems, problems we can't handle, and we get stuck on that rock, or lodged tightly in the roots of an overhanging tree. Sometimes a friend will come along and help us out, show us how to get out of our predicament. But sometimes, it takes something bigger, something not-normal, to get us unstuck. And sometimes it takes a while.

I'm going to keep praying for my cousin. As much as I'd like to "shake the dust off my sandals," I can't. I want him to find the way. Maybe not the way that he feels is the way. The Right way.

Spring

The sun is out, shining down, and the snow is almost gone,
Melting quickly beneath the rays, reavealing grassy lawn.
I step outside to feel the warmth, my first thoughts are of you,
The promise of spring, soon to come, like us, remaining true.
And as I gaze about I see flowers budding from the ground,
Wind whispering through the new-grown leaves, such a precious sound.
Robin chicks, chirping loud, from nests among the trees,
Soon to learn to use their wings, to float along the breeze.
New-born bunnies hop along, nibbling tender blossoms,
God's presence in this blooming world, of Spring, is truly awesome.
And though a time of storms will come, mingleing with our tears,
The Master's grace will soon prevail, and wash away our fears.
For Spring is a time of happiness, with no time for pain or sorrow,
Let us spend these days together, forget about tomorrow.
In time His will shall come to pass, and what will happen will,
But we shall pray with fervent hope, that we'll be together still.

Step Back and Take a Look

I thought this was absolutely incredible, and i just had to share it with you all. It really makes you wonder..how could something this big and this perfectly proportioned be an accident?

There is a Better Way to Live Your Life

So you're Lost:
You had a home but couldn't stay,
You tried to run but lost your way.
Nobody loves or cares about you,
You're burdened by fear, remorse, doubt too.
But don't go, there's a man who's been searching for you,
He loves the fainthearted, the lost, destitute.

So you're a Slut:
The guys all think you're really hot,
So many lust for what you've got.
But be careful what you choose to wear,
Watch how you talk or toss your hair.
Your body is your sacred temple,
Take care to follow the Good Example.

So you're a Flirt:
Now "slut" and "flirt" are not the same,
Of flirting do not be ashamed.
Be wise, though, you may mislead some,
These "some" are weaker, sometimes dumb.
Though it may not all be your mistake,
Cut the act, avoid the wake...

So you're Running:
In a moment of anger, a slip of the tongue,
Or a terrible crime, putting you on the run.
Your situation is now out of control,
Wherever you turn puts you deeper in the hole.
But stop all this running, there's no need to hide!
There's a man here named Jesus, who so loved you He died!

So you're Gay:
You naturally just like the guys,
They get you feeling oversized.
You can't help what turns you on,
But listen, Bud, that's simply wrong.
These thoughts and acts are abominable,
Change your ways or lose your soul.

So you're a Whore:
You enjoy having to share your bed,
You don't have dreams to ever be wed.
Something inside your body seeks,
You feed it pleasure until it peaks.
Someday down the road, you'll see,
That's not what you need to be happy.

So you're a Druggy:
Addicted and high, you feel just one need,
You light up another, and smoke some more weed.
You lie there, indulging a blissful mirage,
Til it fades; you're left puking up in your garage.
What if I told you that you could get higher?
On a love that saves people like you from eternal fire.

So you're a Failure:
Nothing you attempt to do seems to turn out right,
You're wondering if there's anything that's really worth the fight.
They say that you're not good enough, why should you get a repeat?
What's the point in trying again if you're already set for defeat?
But listen now, I know of One, who'll give you a second try,
He'll forgive you of the wrongs you've done, it was for our mistakes that He did die.

An Exciting Summer Adventure

OK, well, this is my very first attempt at blogging..I figure since I've got this blog..hey! why not post something?? The following short story is a recount on my summer adventures, taken from the journal which I was keeping at the time...



Originally, I planned to recount the entire adventure of our camping trip day by day, but it grew to be quite lengthy and we didn't have wireless for the first week of our trip. So instead, you shall hear only of the most exciting and enthralling happenings, taken from the journal of Rhom Wert.

"Day Seven"

Part I

"The following story I am about to tell you is a true story, every word of it. Today began much like yesterday: with an obnoxious bird screaming outside my tent. Fortunately, it was at a more reasonable hour, around 8:30 am. By the time I had dressed, nearly everyone else was already out and about.

After a quick breakfast, we all gathered around the table to discuss the day's schedule. The grandparents had planned to take everyone to Mount Washington, a mountain nearly 6,000 ft. in height. They wanted to take the train to the top. The average temperature at the top of the mountain in the summer was 49 degrees with occasional blasts of wind peaking at 231 mph. Though this did sound like fun, I had wanted to do some real hiking.

I asked my mom if there was any chance of me being permitted to hike another mountain. She was very hesitant at first, but after we called and talked to my dad, she said it was alright. We decided that the best way to find a place to hike would be the camp office. There we asked for ideas on the best place for a hike. The desk clerk had several suggestions, the most appealing of which was Eagle Cliff. Although Mom tried to find another, more gentle sounding hike, I had already decided that I wanted to take on the cliff.

As we walked back, it was beginning to sprinkle. Everyone else was already in the car ready to leave for Mount Washington, so I separated my things, taking out everything I wouldn't need. Then I too climbed into the car. The plan was that I be dropped off on the way to Mount Washington.

On the way there, my mom went over the rules again.
"Be careful, don't do anything that might be risky."
I already knew this, but I acknowledged her once again. At last, at the base of Eagle Cliff, they dropped me off. I was dressed in jean pants, a thick hooded sweatshirt, and a thin T-shirt underneath. We said goodbye, agreeing to meet back here at 5:30 pm. So it was at 12:40 pm that I took to the trail, under a dark and drizzling sky....

The trail started at the base of Eagle Cliff and wound it's way around the base to a lookout point that was also at the base. There was no path higher than the forest floor with which to crawl the face of the mountain. I walked along the trail for about a quarter mile until I passed two teenage hikers. I asked them if they knew of any way to hike Eagle cliff, but having never heard the name before, they couldn't help.

So I kept going. I told myself that when I reached the highest part of the trail I would break from it and start my climb.

And so I did.

At the top of the trail, there was a rocky stream bed in which trickled the water running off the mountain. It was a relatively steep climb and very slippery on the rocks. A little ways up, I picked up a sturdy stick to help with the ascent. Though it did prove useful for a little while, the rocks were growing steadily larger and I had to start climbing. So I discarded it and continued trekking upward.

As I neared the top of the stream bed, the rocks grew more scarce. This made the climb much slower, but I was able to pull myself through the dense pines. After nearly half a mile, the trees gave way to an open and dangerously steep hill. The hill was made up of small rocks and mud with an occasional boulder.

Every now and then, while I was climbing this hill, the ground under my feet would give way and start sliding. As the rocks and mud slid downward, I would watch as a miniature land slide followed. After clearing the muddy hill, the way was again filled with small pines and scattered birch.

The climb was again becoming rocky, but it was also filled with holes hidden by patches of settled leaves. This made the going still slower and more dangerous. And though I did my best to avoid suspicious looking rocks and innocent patches of leaves, more than once my foot sunk into the ground when I least expected it.

I was about two-thirds the ways up, and it was only 1:45 pm. I knew I should start back at 3:00 pm at the latest just to make sure I had time to get back, with some spare time in case something happened. The trees started to thin and I began to forge through the tangled underbrush, while stepping carefully around nearly invisible holes.

I was completely soaked, every single inch of me. I was also very worried that this same journal might be ruined from water. As the trees and foliage cleared, I came to a wall of rock that rose straight up to the top of the cliff. To make matters worse, the rain was also becoming steadily more torrential....

I managed to haul myself up over the first wall of rock, but it was by far the easiest, though still far from being easy. When I saw what the second wall looked like, much higher than the first and barren of handholds, as well as slick from the pouring rain, I set to thinking: It was only 2:00 pm so I still had a considerable amount of time before I needed to head back. But was it worth it? After all, it was just a mountain. Yet if I turned back now, it would just be that much easier to turn around the next time I faced a mountain, real or symbolic...(I was taking this one deep)

Then I thought of all my family and friends. How would they feel if heard that I had taken a tumble off a cliff? I was really gambling with a lot of things here, not all of which were mine. I decided I would press on, but I would be as careful as I could.

Though there was no way to climb up the all of rock in front of me without equipment, I thought I might have a chance if I could edge around to another side of the cliff where there was more shrubbery. So I slowly inched my way along the face of the cliff, clinging to any and every rocky crevice, tree or grass clump I could with my hands. My feet, meanwhile, were resting on mere inches of muddy soil pressed into the rock, beneath which there was nothing....

Part II

As I rounded the right corner of the cliff, I saw a deep crack in the rock from which sprouted several hardy pines. Further up the face, small birch trees were nestled on ledges jutting out from the cliff. I carefully made my way to the crevice and began hoisting myself up the side of the cliff. Each tree was the size of a small tree branch, roughly an inch to an inch and a half in diameter. They were, however, very sturdy, and held as I used them to gain leverage. Still, I made sure to test their security before entrusting my life to them.

At one point, I had pulled myself up to a small nook and was attempting to climb up to an area with more trees to use for handholds. I reached high above my head and far to the right to grab a small pine. I managed to securely grasp the tree and I pulled myself up into a crouch against the cliff. Again I reached high, leaning even further to the right, stretching to grab a patch of thick grasses. I caught them and began to shift my weight off of the tree and onto the grass. However, as I leaned away from the pine, the grasses tore away from the rock, leaving me with only a fist full of turf. Caught off balance, I swung downward...

My left hand, still loosely clasped around the trunk of the pine, was the only thing that kept me from falling off the cliff. I plummeted momentarily downward, before swinging around in an arc, until I slammed back first into the rock. I hung there, only able to hang on, dazed, just shaking my head for a moment. When I could focus my eyes, I saw that beneath me there was absolutely nothing but open air(I was actually high enough above the fog or mist taht I couldn't see the ground at all). It was a straight drop downward until the cliff rolled into the hill below.

Carefully, I twisted around so that I was again facing the cliff. I then pulled myself up, for the second time, so that I was able to reach another, smaller tree. I then continued to clamber another thirty-five feet up the cliff before I came to an almost impossibly impassible section of solid rock wall. I was only about forty feet from the top, but there was no sane way to climb the rest of the cliff. There were no trees, no grasses, only shear rock the rest of the way up.

Disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to reach my goal, I took a few pictures with my mom’s cell phone and started the climb back down. It was 2:25, and the sky was pouring rain. I had climbed so high up the cliff that I couldn’t even see the ground where I had started from. Everything was hidden by the clouds.

I began my descent, climbing down the same way I had come up. Several times I got off on the wrong side of the tree (it's a joke, and yet..literal) to find myself at a dead drop. Even with the wrong turns and slippery conditions, I was able to make it back down to the tree line within fifteen minutes (it's much easier to give ground than it is to take it).

From there I half stumbled, half slid down the steep hill. I made sure that every time I took a step I had one hand behind me fastened onto a pine branch and the other hand in front of me clasped around the trunk of another tree. Still, at one particularly steep and muddy part of my “trail,” my feet were ripped out from under me and before I could even recover my breath, I had slid fifty feet down the natural mountain slide. I managed to grab onto a tree to stop myself, but it had all happened so fast that it couldn’t have taken more than three seconds.

Without letting go of the tree, I got to my feet and looked myself over. I wasn’t anymore soaked than I had already been, but now I was completely covered in piney mud too.(:P) My hands stung from digging into the dirt in a futile attempt to halt my speedy descent. The mud had forced itself under my finger nails until the front of the nails were black. My sack had also been filled, although to a lesser extent, with the dark mud. More than ever I dreaded the destruction of this book...

I kept on moving down the mountain, and by 2:40 I had reached the stony mud hill that I had clambered up nearly an hour and a half ago. Now it was even more treacherous as the mud had become as loose as the rocks. I managed to descend safely by leaning back, to the point where I was almost parallel to the ground, and planting my feet sideways to avoid slipping. Beneath me, rocks and mud pulled free from where they had lain and tumbled down the hill. Fortunately, I reached the bottom of the hill after only a few short minutes, and I was once again forging my way through he dense pines....

Part III

Ahh!!! I'm out of time for now!! But let me know if it's worth finishing.