I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy.....

Have you ever felt so bogged down in life and stressed out that you prayed for God to come tomorrow? Probably. But have you ever felt like you should feel overwhelmed due to your circumstances, but instead you feel curiously joyous and particularly carefree despite all things you need to accomplish? That's how I feel today.

Let me tell you, Mission life is not easy. Oh, heaven knows.. Our weeks are filled with college homework, ministry training, late nights, early mornings, road trips in a large van with all eleven of the seats filled and equipment taking up the space where the last van bench should be.. We're constantly around the same ten people. We're always tired. We're prohibited from certain privileges while we're here, more so if you happen to be a first-year student. It's tough.

The past month and half, I've had an especially tough class. Now that I'm nearing the end of the eight-week session, projects are shooting up like boulders in the End of the Dinosaur Age scene in Walt Disney's Fantasia. Similar to the boulders, they're huge and so sudden. Most of them are due within a week of being assigned. It's craziness.

Nearing our Turkey Break, our Mission schedule is becoming more and more packed. Man, I remember when we started out in August and we thought that we had a crazy schedule then. Let me tell you. The Mission Schedule is like a fat kid with no digestive system and no capacity limitations. He keeps eating, but he never releases anything!

I understand what's going on though. They're trying to kill us right before break so that we have seven whole days to be resurrected so that we'll be alive again when we come back. I don't even want to think about the sixteen days between the return from Thanksgiving Break and the beginning of Christmas Break!

Maybe you think I'm making half of this up.. To assure you otherwise, this is what we were told before Fall Break: "It's called Fall Break for a reason! You're going to fall into break. We'll make sure of it!"

Ahhh yes.. Sweet, sweet Mission life.

Anyways, I'm sure you've caught on. I've got a considerable amount on my plate. To make things worse, or better, depending on how you look at it, I haven't been talking to my best friend and future mate for the last few weeks. I spoke to her just once a few days ago, but only to commit to not talking to her for an indefinite period of which the digits are in months. I dare someone to tell me I haven't lost my sanity. I'd probably poke a needle in your eye.

It wasn't without a reason, but that's a totally different story. I'm going to marry her one day, and she knows that.

I'm sure you've probably realized how discombobulated my neural network is after all these scattered thoughts.

What I am getting at is this: I have much to do, think about, work out, plan, survive, and otherwise grow through and into. But even with everything going on and my friends around me becoming more and more frustrated with every passing day (oh, not to mention the tests and presentations coming up over the next two days in our ministry class), I'm somehow able to think positively. As I do my course work and study my textbooks I can't hep but be happy and joyous. Maybe it's because Christmas is getting closer. Maybe it's because I'm almost out on break. Or maybe it's all a result of changing my focus from myself to God. The results of the sleep I sacrifice and the energy I dedicate every day to Him are not nearly as overpowering as they used to be before I adjusted my life-lenses. And on top of that, He gives me joy. He gives me peace where others are stressed, strength where others are faltering, perseverance where others are despairing, happiness where others are complaining, and joy where others are annoyed. Could I ask for more?

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less..

"What am I going to be when I grow up? How am I going to make my mark in history?" How can I be sure that the choices I'm making right now are the right choices? How much longer will I be tested in patience? Why can't I be at home right now with my friends who I miss so badly? Why do 18 hours of my day have to be planned out for me? Why do I have to be so busy all the time? Sleep? What's that? How come I can't just take a five minute break to remember what it's like to breath without another task getting shoved down my throat? Why should I have to listen to people who aren't even a year older then me, who made them my leaders? Why can't I even text the people I want to text, or just call them?! What if I die tomorrow? Or tonight? What have I done to make my life significant to God? What have I done to spread His kingdom? Am I a good Christian? What are people going to say about me after I'm gone? Have I been great for the King?

I have no guarantee of my next heartbeat. Right now is the only moment that matters.

"Redeem the time, because the day's are evil."-Ephesians 5:16 We don't have all the time in the world. If we were told this morning that we had til midnight to live, how would we spend that day? Hopefully it would be your biggest and most fearless day of ministry. Who cares how people think about you? You're going to be dead in a few hours. That's how we should live every day of our life though, not just our last 16 hours.

Too often we're thinking about ourselves unintentionally. We don't even realize how much we plan ahead our own lives until someone tells you to imagine that you're in a plane it's engines have failed and you only have two minutes to write a letter to any person.

You catch yourself instinctively thinking, "But wait! I didn't get to do this or this or all these things with my life!" And suddenly you realize that you've been planning all these things in your future. But those are your own plans. What are God's plans for you?

We aren't to worry about what we're going to eat or drink, or even what we're going to wear. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"-Matt 6:27

Hakuna Matata...

But I'm not a perfect person either. I plan. I worry. I doubt God too.

That's why on my own, I can never be a source of strength for you. On my own, I can never be a foundation strong enough to hold up to the brutality of life. On my own, I can never help you.

"On Christ the solid Rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand." If someone were to depend on me, I would be sinking sand to them. If I were their first priority, the most important thing to them, if I were at the center of their life, they would have a miserable life. I wouldn't be able to meet all of their needs and I would fail them, over and over again.

Though my arms be a comfort to you, my love will fail you. "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in mortal man. it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in princes."-Psalm 118:8-9

"Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. With the Lord on my side I do not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side to help me; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me."-Psalm 118:5-7

I won't always be able to be there for you, but "He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you will find refuge."-Psalm 91:4

Where is under His wings? It's close to His heart. Where's that? How do you get there? Through His Word. Jesus said he was the way, the truth, and the light; he was the word. Right now, Jesus is immediately next to the Father. he stands at God's side as our interceding high priest, both day and night. Every day and night.Where he is is unaffected by how or who we are. He is always right here next to us, as he is always right there next to the Father. Therefore, when we have the Word, Jesus, in us, we are right there next to the Father, under His wings and close to His heart.

Love, will, hold us together,

Make us a shelter to weather the storm.

I'll be my brother's keeper,

So the whole world will know that we're not alone.

It is well, it is well

Wow, so it's been a long time since I've posted here.. I've been telling myself for the past few months that I would do it as soon as things slowed down, but I never got around to it. And things never slowed down!

I do love my business, I get to see a good deal of my friends at church or church related things such as book/Bible studies. But sometimes it's pretty overwhelming.. I'm lucky to only have school two times a week now, with classes only through early afternoon, but the rest of my weeks are filled with working my normal job, as a sugar biscuit fryer, working as an office assistant at my old school, a homeschool academy that I graduated from. That is my non-church related schedule. The rest of the week is filled with all sorts of studies and a few services, that I greatly enjoy.

But with all this going on, I hardly have any time where I'm still. I'm so far behind on sleep right now. There was once, a week ago, when I had a free afternoon, it was raining, and I went for a long walk. I went down through the woods, following some dear trails, to a stream where I had a good long time to be alone with God. I had a good, unrushed amount of time to talk with him and read through the beginning of Romans again, really picking it apart and understanding it.

Another thing: I'm going to be gone all summer. Starting in June. I'll be working as a camp counselor. I will be at that camp unti lthe end of summer. I'm going to love what I will be doing, but the only dissapointing factor is that I won't see any of my friends or family, I won't be participating in any of their adventures, and I will be missing all of them immensely! However, I will have most weekends to myself when campers are gone. My Friday nights and Saturdays will be filled with phone calls and letter writing while my co-workers go off sightseeing or to see a movie. A part of me thinks I'll be closing myself off from the group, that my home group would be keeping me from growing like I should be. But I know that's not true. I know with the direction I believe I'm clled to take with my life that I need to keep in touch with my people because they are all going to be in my life and a big part of my life for a while yet.

I belive the thought I mull over the most is how my time gone will reflect in my relationship with my friend-who-is-a-girl. I am not afraid, nor worried. But I wish I could be both home and away at camp at the same time. However, that is impossible. Obviously. I know I have been growing a lot with my aforementioned friend, MJ, and I know that the upcoming summer will be another time of growth, apart from each other, yet still closer to each other so long as we're both moving towards the same Goal, as I know we surely are. I am confident that my future is secure. Therefore, I am not worried. I wait. Patiently.

I'm also doing a good bit of research into colleges for the next school year. I'm enrolled at a community college for now, but it's only temporary. My main interest is in a school called Mission Baltimore. I've done a fair amount of looking into it and all I have left to do is pray, fill out and send in my application, and continue praying.

Man, there's been so much happening in my life lately! I'm not doing so great in my math class, and my philosophy teacher isn't my greatest fan, but there's so much goodness besides that! I've been teaching a few friends to dance, along with MJ, in preparation for prom which is tomorrow! I've had so many chances to talk deeply with several of my closer friends, I love intense discussions, listening and learning. I love my family. I've been able to help my dad out with a bunch of projects here at home while he remodels an apartment for my sister and brother in law. I love working with my dad. Our relationship has been really strained in the past and only recently, within the last couple years, has it begun to grow properly. Working along side of him is so much better and fighting against him for what I think I deserve or what I think is best for me. Immeasurably so.

And there's so much more. I don't even know how to describe most of it though. As stressfed out as I am tempted to feel sometimes with so much on my plate and so many big choices to make, I am peaceful because I know I am secure. And I know that even though I don't know, He knows.

It is all well with my soul.

Move..or Move Me

I am restless.



It's more than just the tapping of my feet and the twiddling of my thumbs. The constant readjusting position in your seat to get comfortable cause you know you're going to be here for awhile. It's past that.



My mind is trying to take off. It wants to take my feet places my feet want to go too. Places that are not bad places, but are not the right places, not yet. And my heart. It jumps and spins and yearns for activity, but I'm forced to hush it for the time being.



I want to move. I want to do. I'm not the guy who is satisfied with a loud *vroom vroom* and speeding car. But I feel like if I remain any longer I'll burst with more explosion than a shining, 12-cylinder engine. I have to move, I have to do. I need to love.

That's what I want to do more than anything else. Show love. But to show love, true, agape love, a love that gives always, I must be selfless. Right now, I can't be selfless for them. I have restrictions because of college because of rules that my family has. And there's nothing I can do to get around them. They're there. I just have to wait for them to fade. College won't last forever, it's but a season, and I will have more control over my life when I am of age in this house.

But trying to at least maintain my momentum until that time. There are people I love who I desire to spend time with now, but only see them every so often. I feel like it's not enough, I can't offer them anything when I rarely see them. It makes it seem not worth it. Like sand in a sift, or water in a leaky bucket. The little bits I add over time don't build up like I was always taught they would. They fall out through the cracks and the situation sits as if I had never tried. But I know that if I sat and did nothing, until I had the freedom to do as much as I'd like, I could no longer do anything to help or change the situation. I know it's important to remain close to your friends until you can do what it is you need to do. If you let them fall away, they are out of your reach.

And that's where I've learned that It's not quite a leaky bucket. It's parched soil. You pour out onto the brittle soil, water to soften it. It absorbs the water, you are drained, and the soil re-hardens within minutes. Over and over again you empty yourself and the process repeats itself. But at least you keep the soil alive and whole. Eventually, in it's season, if that soil is tended to, good life will flourish. Wildflowers will blossom where there was only dust and doubt before. So I tell myself: For now, keep pouring out your little watering bucket. We haven't got a hose yet, but it will come soon enough.

I know that God is moving all around me, and I know He has plans that I cannot completely open up yet. I'm moving slowly and uncertainly until I know what He has for me. I am waiting for His timing. I will keep waiting, I will keep moving.

Be Still

Tonight when I was driving home, I was rear ended and run over by a massive pile of thoughts.

I started thinking way ahead in my future. About marriage. About who I would marry. About ministry. About the limitations that might be set on me because of my ministry. About the limitations that would be set on me because of my marriage.

I want to be like Joshua and John Coffey. I want to have the faith Peter had. I want to be able to work those miracles. I want to be like Jesus.

But Jesus wasn't married..And neither was Peter, or Joshua, or John Coffey. They each lived their single lives completely devoted and selflessly for God.

The only thing marriage would do to my ministry would be to limit me to who I see. As much as I'd like to, a married man cannot or should not spend all day at a bar or strip club, or with the druggies and crooks, or even just helping women in his church frequently without his wife around. Just as a married woman wouldn't be able to. Eventually the two married people will begin to question themselves and their spouses with thoughts like "are they really only ministering in that bar?" Or "What else is going on here?" Even if there is nothing going on behind the scenes, the stress that type of ministry presents to a married couple has potential to, in time, tear them apart.

As great a thing as marriage is, it seems as if it's almost a dividing of attention. Before, your attention was on God and only God. Now you're living for God, and supporting a wife. Isn't that distracting? I don't think it has to be. I hope it's not. Otherwise I may end up a ranger like Joshua was.. I believe, to a point that I would say I'm nearly positive, that if a couple, as individuals, are entirely devoted to God, and as a couple, they are just as focused on God, they will not stray from His plan.

I want to one day be wed to the most beautiful earthly bride ever. I want to be married. Not for sex. I do want a family. I do want blond-haired, blue-eyed little boys that I can teach to throw a baseball or shoot a basketball. I do want to have a little princess who looks at me like I'm the coziest, fuzziest teddy bear in the whole world. The main purpose of a marriage should be to make a single praise twice as loud, traveling twice as far, to make ten times the difference.

So there I was, driving more slowly than usual, going insane. I want be everything God wants me to be. I want to have faith enough to move a mountain, or to heal a sick child. I want to make a difference in an astonishing way, for Him. Then it just hit me. "Be still." "Be still and know that I am God." All the chaos inside my head just stopped. And I heard it again. I was thankful for that word. But it didn't stop my thinking completely.

I couldn't help thinking and thinking, but it was quieter, as if someone had pushed a damper pedal, and no matter how hard I pushed, it wouldn't get as loud as it had been.

I came home, hoping to finally talk to a friend of mine, but instead, as soon as I sat down at the computer, I felt like I was about to explode again, and I just had to get out of the house, into the open where it was thundering loudly.

I stood out in the middle of our open field on a big rock that's stuck out there in the middle, just as the rain was starting to fall. The lightning was brilliant, the thunder humbling, and the rain cold. As I prayed, all my thoughts came tumbling out and I felt like I was just rambling and hoping God was there listening because I was sure no one else would. Then a verse from Eclesiastes popped into my head. "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." (5:2) RIght then I shut up. I simply said, God if you want me to be married, give me some kind of sign. But, God, if you don't want me to be married, shock me with a lightning bolt right here, let me live, and I'll never marry and be solely devoted to you.

I didn't get hit by anything. Sure, you could say, well, half an hour isn't long enough to wait for God, or, maybe there was a metal tower too close to you that prevented it from hitting you. There's a million possibilities. Maybe I'll get hit tomorrow. That's not the point though. The poit is right there in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God has a plan for me. I just have to be still and wait for Him.

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is holy

Be still, O restless soul of mine

Bow before the Prince of peace

Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still

Desert Rose

This is a song written by Whiteheart back in the 90's. I grew up hearing it a lot because my brother loved their music. Then, while he was away at college, I borrowed his cassette tapes to listen to them on my own initiative. Even though I've been surrounded by songs like this for so long, it wasn't until very recently that I paused to go over the lyrics. And when I did, I was completely wowed. Sometimes when we're trying to do something for God, it seems like we're all alone and no one else wants to be a part of whatever we're pushing. We feel like the only blooming flower in a whole desert of hot, dry, lifeless sand..But the truth is that God's always with us no matter what we're doing, no matter where we are.

Lost in a windswept land
In a world of shifting sand
A fragile flower stands apart
There on that barren ground
You feel like the one
Trying to serve Him with all your heart

And you wonder, wonder
Can you last much longer
This cloud you are under
Will it cover you

Desert rose (desert rose)
Don't you worry, don't be lonely
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
In a dry and weary land a flower grows
His desert rose

Sometimes holiness
Can seem like emptiness
When you feel the whole world's laughing eyes
But if it's a lonely day
Know you're on the Father's way
He will hear you when you cry

And He will hold you, hold you
Your Father will hold you
He will love you, love you
For the things you do

Desert rose (desert rose)
Don't you worry, don't be lonely
Heaven knows, Heaven knows
In a dry and weary land a flower grows
His desert rose

The Fray by Arthur Pennington

Today I fell, I fell so far..
My body is bruised, battered and scarred.
For ages it seems, I've been fighting and losing.
These battles that rage, none are my choosing.
It seems like everyday, there's more and more to face.
And now I've fallen, snared during this chase.

Nothing I try helps at all, there's nothing I can do.
I've accepted now that I'm stuck like this, I'll keep the card I drew.
I can still see the deck, I could always choose to go fish.
But nothing matters anyways, there's nothing left to wish.
Meaningless and hopeless, that's what life is to me.
Unchanging and relentless, certainly not happy.

Yet in a way, I almost feel as if I were content.
There's no reason that I should change, what's one more little dent?
I'm broken and bruised, battered and scared.
It felt nice when I knew that somebody cared.
What happened to the joy I had, where are all my friends?
Gone, all gone..Where will I go when utter darkness descends?

Right now, it's not too late, I could admit I'm lost.
But what would I have to lose for that..what would be the cost?
Pride for sure, but that's alright, there's nothing left, besides.
But self-pity, that's hard, that's where my throne abides.
I don't think I'm ready, I like the way it makes me feel.
But then again, I hate it too, I need something to help me heal.

No, I don't want to, I'm fine, I swear!
This way at least I get attention, though, not to say I care.
My friends, they all want to help, I can tell by how they talk.
But they wouldn't care enough until they saw my corpse outlined by chalk.
Then they'd see me, that's for sure, they'd regret it then.
They'd wish that they had spent more time, trying to be my friend.

I hate my life, it's just not fair, why's it got to be this way??
Everything is always changing, I need just one thing to stay.
One friend, one feeling, a dream or just a hope.
A single constant for me to cling to, a foothold or a rope.

God? What God?? He hasn't helped me much!
I've screamed and cried myself to sleep, but I've never felt His touch.

Just one true friend'd be nice to have, just a tiny bit of love.
A strong, unyielding embrace, in case push ever came to shove.

I know I could rely on you, even now if I had to choose.
But I'm ok, for now at least, I still have more to lose.
I won't go under, not just yet, I'll bluff a little longer.
I'm hoping that by holding out, I'll grow a little stronger.

It's a lie, I know, it's clear I'm only digging deeper still.
One day I'll probably give it up, but right now I lack the will.

Just be there for me, like you said you would, and one day I'll come around.
Rest assured, I'll call on you before I'm six feet underground..

An Evergreen Forest is What We Need..

This is something I was given, clearly to share. It sounds a little rough, so please, offer suggestions.. :)

Evergreen

What is this life, should we really be trying?
To do something here if we’ll just end up dying.

What can we do that would leave quite a mark,
Enough to ignite from just one tiny spark.

There’s got to be something, that’s why we are here:
To serve the Lord’s purpose and draw others near.

I’ve got to be willing to trust in His will,
I must run the next mile, climb the next hill.

I give you my life and ask that you please,
Allow me to live like the evergreen trees.

To live all year round and not just in season,
Your Son as my light, I need but one reason.

Help me to do the work that you’ve planned,
Mold me and guide me with your perfect hands.

Lead me beside the sleeping, still waters,
Teach to love all your sons and your daughters.

Lord, Jesus, I trust that you hear my prayer,
For you are my God, and you’re everywhere.

Father I pray that you hear my hearts cry,
I want to serve you til the day that I die.

Trailing His Path

The first night we stayed in Atlanta, Georgia, I had no bed. I had set a mattress aside for myself like everyone else, but somehow mine went missing.



I had been in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I was worn out from a long car ride and ready for some shut eye. I wandered to the guys room, most everyone else already falling asleep. There were still a couple guys awake, competing over who could expel toxics into the air the most vehemently. I entered and walked to where my mattress should've been, a couple not yet asleep hands groped at my legs to see if I would trip. My mattress wasn't there. I did not panic, however, not yet. I realized I was in a tricky situation now..



See, I pack really light. I can make do with a carpet if there's no bed to be found. So, naturally, I had left pillow and blanket at home, bringing only a towel which I would use for showers or swimming. First I got out my heavy clothes because the air conditioning was on high. I put on my jeans and big sweatshirt hoping for insulation and cushion against the air and hard wood floor. The I draped my five-foot long towel over my six-foot, three-inch self..I was not comfortable.



Fortunately, Nick was laying close by and saw my predicament. He pushed his towel over to me so that I'd have a pillow. Thanks Nick :)



However, the two towels and sweatshirt did very little to make the hard, cold floor comfortable. So I lay there on the floor for about an hour and a half, listening to my comforting iPod, and trying to get comfortable, but failing miserably.



I must've drifted off, because I woke up from a half sleep, feeling like I'd never fallen asleep. I looked at my clock it read about 1:30 a.m. So I must've dozed for a half hour or so. I lay back down again and wandered the corridors of artists on my iPod. I woke up again, still feeling wide awake. I looked at my clock, thinking it must be almost 6 a.m. and that I'd only have to wait another half hour to get up with everyone. It was 3:30 a.m... I couldn't stand it anymore. I was so sore and I was cold, and as tired as I knew I was, I was wide awake and not going to sleep again any time soon.



I got up and grabbed my Bible from next to me. It was in a cover, so I had stuck a few thin Bible related materials in with it before I had left along with the lines for my pirate drama. I tip-toed around limp, snoring bodies (oh yes, the snoring was terrible..) quietly opened the door and snuck into the hallway.



It was lit; it was the only light they kept on inside at night. I walked to the end and looked out the glass door. The alarm wasn't set on the door, but it was locked, so there was no wandering out into the Refuge's well-lit parking lot. Instead I meandered down a side hallway. I looked at all the different pictures nailed to the walls, painted by some of the kids at the shelter. They were cute pictures of the "bride and groom," the "sower and the seeds,""Spiter-man and Soper-Girl." There were also a few interesting and inspiring quotes pasted on the many doors on either side of the hall.



I simply walked. Back and forth along the same hallway. I wrote down a few of the verses and a few of the quotes, ones that stood out to me. After about a half hour of this, I went into one of the meeting rooms, it was open already, and looked around. I looked out the windows: it was quiet outside, warm too. But the outside world was sleeping. I turned on the light in the room and went over to one of the walls where there were a few shelves with objects of various sizes on them. One of the objects was a simple picture with two sentences on it. "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead to where there is no path and leave a trail."



It was one of the most inspiring things I'd ever heard. I had to write it down. I wrote it down. I had to write more. I sat down. I unzipped my Bible cover and looked for something to write on. The only thing I could find was my script, so I took it out and flipped it over, to the blank side of the page. And wrote....

Do not follow where the path may lead,
Go instead to where there is no path and leave a trail.
For surely with love you will find what you need,
And through time you will see that His grace will prevail.

Our God does not ignore those who are faithful,
He will bless all of you that are true.
We've been given a heart as well as a soul,
That's all that He's asking from you.

Jesus gave up His life, so we could live on,
Eternally after we die.
Obey His commands, on Rock build upon,
Do or do not, there's no "try."

Watch over His people, lead all of His sheep,
Feed them with His Holy Word.
Beware of the darkness, it snarls and creeps,
Keep it away from His herd.

In all that you do, give it your all,
Give only one-hundred percent.
For all that you give for the Lord on most High,
Is just a fraction of what's already been spent.

While I'm Waiting

I feel so stuck. It's like I went from speeding in life's fast lane to being stuck in driving school again.



I just got back from a missions trip to Atlanta, Georgia where my youth group held a four day vbs for the most amazing children I've known so far. During the trip, I felt hot. not quite on fire yet, but smoldering, ready to explode at the very first opportunity.



Now I'm back home though. Stuck. I tried to bring the heat home, but my family thought I was just radical and slightly crazed and let it slide like they would a stupid joke. They don't have the same passion that I feel.



I want to serve the world. Before going to Atlanta, I knew I had a serious interest in missions. I didn't know how serious, something on the side maybe, I was still trying to figure that out. While I was there, though, I decided that there was nothing I could ever do with my life except serve others in similar ways to what we did in Atlanta. There'd certainly be something, or maybe a couple things on the side so I'd be able to support myself and my family, but my main focus is, and I hope it will always be, to serve others.



I don't know what my plans are yet. The choice between college or something different is so close for me already. My parents are really pressuring me to go to college to go through with a good major "just in case it doesn't work out." Especially my mom..My dad was the same way for a while, but he's sort of sat back recently, To see how it all unfolds I suppose, before he comes out with his wisdom. And I do mean that. Everything he says will happen as a result of my choices always seems to happen, whether it's playing video games, how hard I work on my homework, or relationships. Part of it might be that I have to obey what he says and I'm pushed towards his predictions, but I know that there's always some truth in what he says. God bless them both for what they're trying to do for me. They don't want to see me fail and I appreciate that. But I have another path for my life.



I've been talking to people in my church to find out more about Lee University, a Christian college in Tennessee. I'd like to find out more about it. I've also heard about a program called Master's Commission which sounds just like what I've looking for for a while.

Yesterday night, I was at a Bible study for college/pre-college students. We were talking about rejection that night and Mike asked us to share about a time in our lives when we had faced rejection. No one raised their hand at first, so I tentatively raised mine. Not because I was afraid to share, but because mine didn't have to do directly with rejection. My question was basically this: When there's somewhere you know you need to get to in your life, but can't because important people in your life are holding you back, what do you do? Another student voiced a very similar question right afterwards. Mike quickly caught on to the "important people" and told us that our situations were only a little tricky.

Firstly, we must obey our parents while we are under their roof. That is one of our commandments, "Honor Thy father and thy mother." Otherwise, your road from there on will be screwed. If our parents are keeping us from moving forward, there's obviously a good reason for that. One that even they might not fully grasp. Look at it this way. You want to live out the call you've received from God. The only thing standing in your way is one of His commandments. Clearly, God is telling you to WAIT. I don't want to wait, so it's hard for me. When it's the right time, God will release you. When it's the right time, you will be on fire, hotter than you've ever been. You'll be most effective for His purposes for you.

Obviously we're not jsut supposed to sit around on our behinds doing nothing, waiting for the phone to ring one day to hear a strange voice say "It is the right time..." We have to be working constantly, grinding away at our vices and building up our virtues. Mike also said this: What we become when we are working for God is basically a blown up version of what we are now. That means not only our near perfections, but also our imperfections will be 10 times bigger for everyone to see. We've got to be constantly active to become the individual that God wants us to be.

When Mike told us that I knew that was exactly what I had needed to here. The command to just wait. I've been so eager to get off my chain and go all out, but I haven't been considering that I'm not ready yet. And now that I've realized this, it all makes perfect sense to me.

Not everyone who feels stuck in the slow lane right now is facing the same obstacles. For some people, they thik it's their age, or they can't find the opportunities they're seeking. God has perfect plans though. We need to sow the seeds in our field NOW so that we're ready THEN when the rains come.

While I'm waiting I will serve You.

While I'm waiting I will worship.

While I'm waiting I will not faint.

I'll be running the race even while I wait.